The Importance of Umbrellas

As you may or may not know I am an atmospheric science major, so while most people instantly start to complain as soon as they feel rain drops, I tend to get excited.  I know I probably won't be able to get you pumped about radar images and convective instability, but I think you should at least appreciate poor weather as a prime opportunity  to judge people (don't pretend you don't judge people, I know you do), I'm talking of course about umbrella watching.  

1. The ridiculously large umbrella: In general the larger the umbrella the more important that person thinks they are.  It's likely they obtained their absurdly large umbrella at a country club so that they could cover their golf clubs and overpriced shoes at the same time.  Be careful though, they could just be posing as a country club golfer.  

Another fact to note is that the large umbrella carrier is on top of things...aka the weather.  There was no way they could fit that thing in their bag, they knew it was going to rain and they were ready (this goes for people wearing rain boots too). 

2. The tiny portable umbrella:  This person most likely thought "look at how practical I'm being" while buying their umbrella. They may never check the weather channel, but as soon as it starts to rain they smile because they're prepared...until the slightest breeze comes and they realize that the pocket umbrella is one of the least practical inventions to date.  These people tend to act as a comic relief for you the umbrella watcher, as they wrestle their umbrella to maintain it's proper shape and get soaked in the process. 

3. The designer umbrella:  These are the easiest people to classify, anyone carrying a designer umbrella simply wants you to know they can afford designer things...don't let them fool you into thinking that designers make a more sturdy umbrella than say an outdoorsy company, you know better.

4. Last but not least...No umbrella:  These poor souls are either unprepared, lazy, or stubborn, in any case they usually look miserable...unless they're dancing in the rain on purpose, in which case you should join them because they are undoubtedly having the most fun of anyone out in the rain that day.